The Tikrit Bush Shoe
In December 2008, President Bush decided to take a trip around the Middle East and visit all the places America has “liberated”, because as we all know 2008 marked the time when all hostilities in that region stopped and the war was officially over. In the end Bush held a press conference in Baghdad’s Green Zone where, because nobody likes a gloater, one of the reporters took off his shoe and threw it at Bush, instantly making history.
To celebrate this hilarious event and prove they can take a joke, in early 2009 the Iraqis unveiled a large, sofa sized replica of the infamous shoe in Tikrit, the birthplace of Saddam Hussein. Also, a green bush was planted inside it. Hey, there is no reason to not find joy and laughter in life, even if your country has been torn apart by military conflict.
Everyone has something that they are particularly proud of, but you don’t see your neighbor building a statue to immortalize that one time he spit at more than 35 yards, no matter how impressive that might have been. That is why it’s so weird to see the Russian town of Zheleznovodsk be proud enough of their enema treatments to build a $42,000 monument commemorating just that.
The Mashuk Akva-Term Sanatorium, quite famous for treating constipation and other gastrointestinal problems, is currently the site of a 5-foot tall, 800-pound bronze enema syringe held up by three Botticelli angels, celebrating the supposed wonders of this frightening inner-butt procedure. The head of the Sanatorium claims there is not a hint of irony in this, because the enema has basically became the symbol of the region, which is something you think they would want to keep to themselves.
It’s nice that the people there have something to be proud of but this is like Baltimore commissioning a statue to memorialize the city’s impressive dope fiend population.
You might be thinking that you know Mt. Rushmore and that there is nothing weird about it. It is after all a symbol of America, honoring the 4 great presidents: Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and the fourth guy. If there is anything strange about it, it’s the fact that it keeps giving red blooded patriots raging erections despite depicting a bunch of dudes.
That is all fine and dandy but it avoids a few crucial pieces of information: Mt. Rushmore is a full out symbol of American oppression. It’s not just because the monument was designed and carved out by Gutzon Borglum - a member of the Ku Klux Klan, who even sat at the Imperial Koncilium during the changing of KKK’s leadership. It’s also not about the fact the Borglum chose the 4 presidents for the monument based on their contributions to America’s expansion, which you might remember included mostly murder of native tribes back then.
It’s about what Mt. Rushmore was supposed to be and where it was built. The 4 presidents were carved into what was known in the past as the Six Grandfathers, a sacred site for the Lakota Sioux tribes, which was taken from them and desecrated without as much as a “Thank You, and Good Luck”. And after the white man dynamited and carved himself a piece of that holy rock, what did we do? We did not follow through, that’s what. Did you know that Mt. Rushmore is not finished?
The original plan didn’t call only for faces. The presidents were supposed to be carved all the way down to their waists. It was simply never finished due to time and budget constraints. Just something to keep in mind the next time you are in South Dakota: Gaze upon Borglum’s laziness and shake your head.
- - Mimizuka (Kyoto, Japan): http://www.geocities.jp/takakuri_1125/kyoto-mimizuka-1.jpg http://www.edu.city.kyoto.jp/hp/asahigaoka-c/school/2nen/mimizuka.jpg
- - Underwater Sculpture Park (Grenada): http://www.totalmania.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/underwater-sculpture-park-09.jpg http://www.totalmania.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/underwater-sculpture-park-01.jpg
- - The Chinese Penis (Changchun, China): http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ERGrznxTIwo/RmVqyguK39I/AAAAAAAADj4/WB2EVvyO9ts/s400/world%27s+largest+penis%281%29.jpg http://feer.wsj.com/tales/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/penis.jpg
- - The Tikrit Bush Shoe: http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/warzone/BLOG-BRONZE-SHOE.jpg http://www.indybay.org/uploads/2009/01/29/shoe_monument_tikrit_29_jan_09.jpg
- - Enema Monument: http://www.leedsherbalist.co.uk/images/klisma.jpg http://shealynnbaird.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/alg_russia_enema_monument.jpg
- - Mount Rushmore : http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/Gutzon_Borglum%27s_model_of_Mt._Rushmore_memorial.jpg http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/187_family-vacations-mount-rushmore-2.jpg http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/jah/89.3/images/mr_fig01_b.jpg