6 Insane Modern Cures – That Sort of Work

  • April 28, 2010
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  • Science
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Radiation to cure Flatulence

What is the biggest medical crisis on the planet right now? Is it cancer, the rising number of AIDS cases in Africa or that annoying moll on Robert De Niro’s cheek which he refuses to have removed? Nope. According to Indian scientists, it is bean farts.

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We all known beans as the delicious magical fruit of which the more you eat the more you toot, but what’s a small inconvenience to burrito lovers everywhere must have looked like a national emergency to the people at the Bhabha Atomic Research Centre in India. Unsurprisingly, the atomic researchers’ solution to bean farts is a nice helping of radiation, though one would assume, being atomic scientists and everything, radiation is their answer to everything.

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The Indian experiment has subjugated a number of beans and peas to a low intensity gamma ray beam, incidentally the same thing which turned Doctor Bruce Banner into the Incredible Hulk. The irradiation has shown a 70% drop in whatever that is that makes people fart after eating beans, and apparently did not make them glow in the dark. So who knows, maybe there is some method to this mad science?


Crocodile Blood to cure HIV

In what might possibly be the closest thing we will ever get to functioning magic, Australian scientists are collecting crocodile blood hoping it will cure HIV, and subsequently AIDS. Crocodiles are quite ferocious beasts that enjoy tearing limbs off each other in swamp environments, and unless you did not know, swamps are sprawling with bacteria. Yet the crocs remain alive, meaning that their antibodies are hard at work behind the scenes protecting them from infections.

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Of course, the reptilian immune system works differently than the human one, but it doesn’t mean the two aren’t compatible. One of the Australian researches has describe the work of the crocodile’s antibodies as “tearing the bacteria apart until it explodes”, making it almost worth it to get HIV just so you could brag there is a literal microbiological carnage going on inside your body after ingesting some croc blood.

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The same theories are also tested on the blood of the Komodo Dragon, so perhaps somewhere in the future doctors will casually mention to a patient “Hmm, you appear to have some AIDS. No worries, just take these 3 vials of Dragon Blood and call me in the morning”.

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Mutant Chickens to cure Baldness

Humanity has a strange obsession with curing baldness. If we put half the effort and concern that goes into hair research we would have long ago found a way to extract cancer out of our bodies and use it as a clean energy source. It’s impossible to not think we might be wasting precious resources trying to cure lack of hair by breeding abominable chimeras.

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An experiment in 2003 in the UK has successfully created chicken embryos with teeth, finally providing evidence that scientists take inspiration for their research from our nightmares. Seeing as millions of years ago birds evolved from dinosaurs they do carry inside them the gene for tooth growth, and the simply scientists awakened those genes inside them for the classic mad scientist reason “it seemed like a good idea at the time”.

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In reality, the experiment was a way to see if they cannot replicate the exact same process in humans, because the processes that control tooth growth also control our hair. The future might therefore be plagued by hordes of rampaging saber tooth birds, but at least we will all enjoy a luscious set of locks while hurdled inside our caves trying to not attract our new poultry overlords.

Written by Cezary Jan Strusiewicz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - LSD to cure Alcoholism: http://thecaseagainsthumanity.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/large20photos_lsd.jpg http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff150/kawabongaby/lsd.jpg http://scienceblogs.com/retrospectacle/lsd%20kid.jpg
  • - Parasites to cure Asthma/Diabetes: http://www.miraclesofhealth.net/img/parasites.jpg http://www.scientific-art.com/GIF%20files/Medical/Parasites.gif
  • - Herpes to cure Cancer: http://www.glogster.com/media/2/3/28/52/3285210.jpg http://www.genital-warts-help.org/genital_herpes_treatment/images/genital_herpes_oral_sex.jpg
  • - Radiation to cure Flatulence: http://media.nowpublic.net/images/b8/a/b8a23437851399b1cc3668c41c541ab0.jpg http://greenarbytheday.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/green-beans-1.jpg
  • - Crocodile Blood to cure HIV: http://noahspals.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/070321-crocodiles_big.jpg http://www.topnews.in/files/Crocodile_0.jpg http://www.clipartguide.com/_small/0512-0712-1718-5432.jpg
  • - Mutant Chickens to cure Baldness: http://i36.tinypic.com/20h1pac.jpg http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o1rNl-UGzvk/SbnyW4l97PI/AAAAAAAACZ8/pxWXJ_llviY/s400/weird+chicken.jpg


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  • http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/4375170/Infecting-patients-with-worms-could-hold-key-to-treating-asthma.html
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