6 Insane Modern Cures – That Sort of Work
Humanity has come a long way in the field of medicine. No longer are we to subject ourselves to magical spells and leeches, instead relying on the modern advances of science. The terrifying, bizarre science which makes us question the very sanity of the people behind it. Strangely, the weirdest cures science has come up with in the last couple of years might actually be worth something. For example…
LSD to cure Alcoholism
The 60s were basically about two things: The Beatles and acid, and only one of those wasn’t totally horrible. This assessment might change soon, after Professor Erika Dyck from the University of Alberta has unearthed psychiatric research from over half a decade ago, concerning the treatment of alcoholics using LSD.
A long time ago in Saskatchewan, Canada, someone apparently filled the most baffling research application imaginable for gathering a bunch of alcoholics and having them taste acid to treat their addiction. The science behind this idea was that LSD would cause “delirium tremens”, the feeling most easily described as “hitting rock bottom, grabbing a shovel and starting to dig”, which surprisingly gives the person perspective on their life, helping them to kick their booze dependency. Today, many of the experiment’s participants have declared that they did not have a sip of alcohol since that time in the 60s.
The survey also did not state that any of them offered to perform fellatio on the surveyor for some LSD money, so there appears to be hope for this treatment.
Parasites to cure Asthma/Diabetes
Do you have asthma or diabetes? Did your mother tell you to not put dirt in your mouth when you were a kid? Well, go and thank her, because it might actually be all her fault that you can’t run for more than 10 feet or enjoy an ice-cream sandwich without nearly dying.
Scientists from Nottingham, Cambridge and London have formulated a theory that due to the modern obsession with cleanliness the human immune system has been shot to hell. Back in the good old days of cavemen where we ate raw meat off mammoth feces, our immune systems had to be something of an internal Terminator, eliminating all the bad stuff inside our bodies and keeping us alive. Today though, with all the anti-bacterial products and sterile dishware, we turned our personal Schwarzenegger into Billy Crystal, allowing such diseases like asthma or diabetes to spread worldwide.
The idea is to fight this by introducing a controlled amount of parasitic worms into patients, which combined with some other scientific magic, might kick their immune system into balance. Think of it as a sort of more aggressive vaccination against dreaded childhood ailments. Only with icky worms.
Herpes to cure Cancer
Researchers at the NYU of Medicine possibly came up with a new form of cancer treatment by observing what happens to lab mice injected with a new strand of the herpesvirus. The virus known as the leading cause of the most awkward conversations between couples on the globe, proved to eradicate certain tumors in laboratory conditions, like prostate cancer, for example.
The treatment allegedly has no ill effects on the human body because the new herpesvirus spares regular tissue, attacking only the cancer cells. This is possible because the virus is literarily “crippled” by the researches, probably something like the equivalent of virus torture, and reprogrammed to work in our favor. There is still a long way to go before we know for certain if this works on humans too, so if you have cancer don’t go looking for crusty lipped hookers in back alleys just yet.