6 Choices of Gum That Define You

  • November 13, 2010
  • 22,145
  • Lifestyle
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4.

Big League Chew

chew

What's next? Fake steroids that you pretend that you're using while you're hiding in the bathroom?

This is another sub-category of kid's gum, but with a twist: it also acts as a substitute for a highly addictive substance. True, people often chew gum to keep from smoking, but the whole reason they came out with Big League Chew was so that kids could imitate baseball players. Who did not chew gum. They chewed chewing tobacco. Chewing on chewing tobacco creates a noxious liquid in your mouth which, if swallowed, can cause serious illness and vomiting (and they do this why, again?) And so they have to spit out the liquid. Chewers of the gum often like to imitate this behavior.

If you chew this, either you're overcoming your dependence on chewing tobacco, or you wish you were a baseball player. Or you're a baseball player who wants to look cool without actually getting hooked on the substance that can give you cheek and tongue cancer. Children may chew this gum to imitate their baseball-playing idols (if they even have baseball-playing idols anymore), but just like with candy cigarettes, pretending to perform an unhealthy habit is not a good sign of anything. And it also does not make you look cool.

5.

Blister Pack Gum

pack

Slick and efficient. Just like you, right?

This is the type of gum for people who like efficiency, and don't like waste. The blister pack means you get fresh gum without always having to throw away a bunch of wrappers. The flat shape slides easily into a purse, and is often enjoyed by women for that reason.

This is the farthest evolution of gum, the most modern incarnation of the genre for people on the go. It's clean-cut and attractively designed. Other companies have changed their packaging to match the original blister-packs. In fact, it's so ubiquitous now that you might think people chewing this kind of gum are followers of the pack, but it's still just avant-garde enough to impress people when you're buying them drinks or giving them a lift in your car - because people who buy this gum tend to do those things, as well.

6.

Tree Sap

sap

Don't you just want to dig into those things... with your teeth?

We understand that the origin of gum was when people started chewing the sap off of trees. People used to do all sorts of strange things back before television and the Internet, and we can’t really blame them for it.

However, if this is still your gum-chewing activity of choice, you seriously need to bring it into the 21st century. There is a possibility that you are a native to some place that has absolutely no access to modern forms of gum (and yet have access to a computer), or else gum is a taboo in your region. If this is the case, we pity you, and wish you all the best in your gum-seeking endeavors.

But if that’s not the case… you’re either a die-hard hippie, a conspiracy theorist distrustful of modern-day conveniences, or just really weird. Sorry to break it to you.

Emma Larkins is a freelance writer. To learn more about her work, follow her on Twitter or check out her blog.

Written by Emma Larkins – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Big Red (And Every Other Stick-Style Gum): http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/410ZCJZEY1L._SL500_AA300_.jpg
  • - Kid's Gum: http://www.candyfavorites.com/pi/1112.jpg
  • - 25 Cent Gumballs: http://www.thechocolatestore.com/images/product-pictures/53_L_gum-small.jpg
  • - Big League Chew: http://www.candyandsnacktoday.com/archives/images/2010/08/Ford_BigLeaguePouch-image.jpg
  • - Blister Pack Gum: http://www.candyfavorites.com/i/t_683.jpg
  • - Tree Sap : http://s0.geograph.org.uk/photos/02/04/020475_f3c2de44.jpg
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