Hooters Are Getting Huger
A few years ago some UK researchers turned to the world and said “We have good news and we have better news”. The good news was that someone actually gave them money to study boob sizes around the world. The better news was that their findings showed that, worldwide, breasts are getting bigger and bigger.
Just in the UK alone, the average bra size had gone up from 34B to a way juicier 36C. As for the rest of the world, breast sizes had been continuously going up for the last 10-15 years, averaging now almost an entire cup bigger than just a decade ago. If this trend continues, someday we might actually need an M-cup bra size.
Plastic surgeries must have some part in this, but diet and lifestyles cannot be ignored. We definitely eat more and exercise less now, and all that fat has to go somewhere – the fact that it seems to be going mainly to breasts is the best evidence that God exists and that he loves us.
There Do Exist Women with Three Breasts
A big part of any boy’s life is catching the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Total Recall” one night after his parents went to sleep and witnessing that scene with the 3-breasted alien h00ker. For many of us that has been a defining moment of our childhoods, the start of a journey to find a girl with 3 fun-bags on her chest. Sadly, we later realized that they just don’t exist…
Or so we thought. Thanks to a wondrous example of life imitating art it turns out that some women can have 3 breasts. The medical condition is called “polymastia” or “supernumerary breasts” and works just like the superfluous nipple bit. Some supernumerary breasts (see, even science knows that those are “super”!) might not even make their presence known until puberty, that special time when a polymastic girl first starts to resemble a prostitute from a cheesy Sci-Fi movie.
Location wise, polymastia can manifest itself virtually anywhere on the front of the body, hopefully somewhere between the first and second b00b. So that’s one accurate prediction “Total Recall” has made. Now, where are our virtual reality machines?
Breast Implants Can Save Your Life
The comparison of b00bies to automobile airbags is as old as breast fascination itself. Cavemen probably made that joke in their cave drawings. But it turns out it might not just be sexism on the men’s part, because in at least one documented case, a woman’s life was saved in car crash when her silicone augmented breasts acted as airbags-like cushioning devices.
In 2006 a women from the Bulgarian city of Ruse was in a pretty horrific car accidents that left both cars totaled. She and the other driver survived but in her case it was thanks solely to those bigger plastic tits which took upon themselves the force of the impact, rupturing right there on the spot and leaving the women alive, though heavily deflated.
If it wasn’t for them, the woman might have hit the steering wheel full on, damaging her internal organs and maybe even banging up her heart a little. This is an obvious sign that Evolution wants our women to have bigger knockers. Maybe later down the line car companies will get rid of airbags altogether and simply offer free b00b jobs to female drivers with each purchase.
- - Small Knockers Almost Got Vietnamese Bikers Banned From the Roads: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3606/3593066371_15a1bacd5b_o.jpg http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3585/3596033305_894219f9e0.jpg
- - Breasts Can Become Bigger Via a Cellphone Ringtone : http://www.mierdas.es/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/ms_tomabechi.jpg http://www.hipgirlie.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/ringtone_breasts.jpg
- - Sufficiently Big Melons Can Keep You Out of Prison: http://www.weirdthings.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/serena-kozakura.jpg http://www.japanprobe.com/wp-content/uploads/serena-kozukura.jpg
- - Hooters Are Getting Huger: http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11_02/047breast2_800x442.jpg http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11_02/047breast1_800x446.jpg
- - There Do Exist Women with Three Breasts: http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2006/10/chemiakin_cybele.jpg http://cdn.complex.com/assets/images/Entertainment/Features/042008/total-recall-alien-420x505.jpg
- - Breast Implants Can Save Your Life: http://sojoe.info/wp-images/posts/legacy/airbags.jpg http://www.ecarsavenue.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/2010-mitsubishi-endeavor-airbags.jpg
- - Small Knockers Almost Got Vietnamese Bikers Banned From the Roads: http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Vietnam-May-Ban-Small-Chested-Motorbike-Riders/Article/200810415130991?lid=ARTICLE_15130991_VietnamMayBanSmall-ChestedMotorbikeRiders&lpos=searchresults
- - Breasts Can Become Bigger Via a Cellphone Ringtone : http://www.japanator.com/a-ringtone-that-will-make-your-breasts-bigger-dr-hideto-tomabechi-says-it-works-9341.phtml
- - Sufficiently Big Melons Can Keep You Out of Prison: http://www.japaninc.com/node/3033
- - Hooters Are Getting Huger: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-494374/Why-ARE-womens-figures-getting-fuller.html
- - There Do Exist Women with Three Breasts: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accessory_breast
- - Breast Implants Can Save Your Life: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/20484-breast-implants-save-womans-life