5 Wrestlers Who Are Better Off When They're Jerks

Posted on July 19, 2010
Views: 27,177

Subscribe to our newsletter

Advertisements

One of the more interesting aspects of pro-wrestling over the past ten to fifteen years is that the bigger a jerk you are, the more fans you gain. The “cool/funny heel” is an almost-instant ticket to success. Sadly, when it comes time to officially make said jerk a good guy, their personality tends to suffer greatly. They become watered-down and neutered in their attitude, like pretty much all of your college buddies that had kids before age thirty.

On very rare occasions, the nice guy act works. John Cena was a cool heel who turned into a smiling, family-friendly good guy; he has made millions of dollars and headlined several WrestleManias in doing so. But, for every John Cena, there’s more than a few characters who do fine as a prick, but go nowhere when it’s time to start smiling and kissing babies. Like so:

1.

Santino Marella

santino marella

At his most basic, Santino is an Italian stereotype. He speaks like Super Mario, mangles his English, comes out to a rock-opera theme song, eats nothing but pasta, and is generally a loser who may or may not still live with his Mom.

He started as a bland good guy but, when he embraced his inner misogynistic wannabe lothario, he took off. He was hilarious, a natural improv artist on the microphone, and even had his own online video series, Santino’s Casa, where he would riff on anything and everything in both the worlds of wrestling and popular culture. He won the Intercontinental Title and started a campaign where he was determined to beat that title’s longevity record. He didn’t even come close, but the story where he kept bragging about inching closer and closer to the record every week made him extremely popular with a large chunk of fans.

Sadly, after his title reign ended, his descent into goodness began. And yeesh, did it ever suck. The wit and misogyny of his character faded in favor of dressing up as his own sister so he could win a women’s battle royal, an ugly fake unibrow that couldn’t be made sexy even if Gisele Bunchen sported it, and a new personality that was less hilarious and more “eyeball-rollingly retarded.”

santino marella01

He hardly ever wrestles, hangs around with Monday Night Raw’s useless celebrity guest hosts for very little explainable reason, has absolutely nothing of interest to say anymore, and is generally treated like a special child who is allowed to run around and play and be stupid because to toss him out into the street where he belongs would probably be considered negligence and abuse at this point. And shockingly, fans don’t care about him anymore.

2.

John Morrison

John Morrison is Jim Morrison. Except he’s a wrestler. And he doesn’t sing. And he’s not drunk 48 hours a day, 10 days a week. Also, he’s not dead. But other than that, he’s totally the same guy. Both of them really hate shirts for one, so there’s that.

john morrison

Interestingly enough, John Morrison’s claim to jerk fame comes not from pretending to be a dead 60’s musician, but from basically being the good-looking jock that treats people like crap just because he can. You want to hate him because there’s a good chance he hates you too, but he’s so funny with his insults that you can’t help but root for the guy as he verbally cuts people to shreds.

He got over quite well acting this way, to the point where he too got his own web series. Called The Dirt Sheet, it basically consisted of him and his tag team partner Miz (a Real World alum who played the part of the cool jock’s even louder and more obnoxious best friend) making fun of anyone who wasn’t them. When it came time to split the team up, most everybody assumed that Morrison would become a huge star, while Miz would fade away and maybe show up on another reality show on his way to rehab.

john morrison01

Didn’t happen. Morrison, as a solo good guy, became the blandest piece of plain white toast you will ever see. As a nice guy, he had nothing of note to say, his gentle attempts to make fun of bad guys fell flat because he wasn’t a jerk about it, and he hasn’t won a meaningful match in the past 276 years (give or take.) Meanwhile, Miz is a bigger jerk than ever, and a bigger star than ever to boot. It kinda makes you think twice before helping that old lady carry her groceries to the car, now doesn’t it?

3.

Doink The Clown

About 20 years ago, in the early 1990’s (the early 90’s was twenty years ago? We are so friggin’ old) a wrestling clown debuted. Yeah, a clown. On the surface, it was everything that made us ashamed to call ourselves wrestling fans. A guy dressed a stereotypical Bozo T. Clown, pretending to be a wrestler, did not exactly scream sophistication.

But if you watched a little bit of the man, you realized that he was an evil clown. That actually worked, and the psychopathic nutjob who dressed as a children’s character in order to pop our balloons and beat the snot out of our heroes actually made something resembling sense. Characters like DC Comics’ the Joker and Krusty the Klown of “The Simpsons” fame work so well because many people are convinced that clowns are sad, dark and evil little creatures under all that makeup anyways; Doink just added further evidence to the theory.

clown

Then he became a good guy. And all that stuff we just mentioned about a wrestling clown being everything that made us ashamed? Well, now it actually DID make us ashamed. Why would a happy clown wrestle? Why? He wasn’t dark and demented, he was goofy and silly. He didn’t pop our balloons and make little kids cry; he hit bad guys in the face with pies and made them slip on banana peels. None of this made sense, not one iota. An evil guy who beat people up while dressed as a clown is psychologically interesting; A happy guy who kinda beat people up while dressed as a clown is boring and ridiculous. And the crowds basically fired the guy after a few months of happy clown nonsense, if their endless chants of “KILL THE CLOWN! KILL THE CLOWN!” were to be believed.

clown01

Advertisements
Random
Page 1 of 4
Loading...

Latest Articles

Makeup Artist Transforms Her Face Into Her Favorite Cartoon Characters

Makeup Artist Transforms Her Face Into Her Favorite Cartoon Characters

Laura Jenkins is a London based brilliant makeup artist who brings various cartoon characters to life on her own face, or to be more precise on her mouth. This is what happens when...

5 Most Unique and Unusual Islands - #3 Is it Cute or Creepy?

5 Most Unique and Unusual Islands - #3 Is it Cute or Creepy?

For most of us islands hold a certain mystique. It could be their seclusion that entices us, or the perceived difficulty of reaching them. Others are relatively untouched and...

5 Ad Campaigns That Backfired - #5 With True Message

5 Ad Campaigns That Backfired - #5 With True Message

It's fair to say that in the digital age we're beaten over the head with advertising on a regular basis. With constant exposure to commercials, banner ads, and other spots trying...

7 Utterly Bizarre Assassination Attempts

7 Utterly Bizarre Assassination Attempts

Assassinations are a dirty part of global politics and warfare, and as you can probably guess there are tons of attempts on the lives of political leaders that you never even hear...

15 of the Scariest Urban Legends From Around the World

15 of the Scariest Urban Legends From Around the World

Everyone loves a good old fashioned urban legend. People love getting a good scare, and something about urban legends just makes it feel like these things could have actually...

15 Myths About History You Probably Believe

15 Myths About History You Probably Believe

It turns out that a lot of what you were reading in history textbooks was wrong, and some of the things you believe are either skewed by false information passed down through the...

8 Prettiest Nations in Europe

8 Prettiest Nations in Europe

It might be hard to tell the difference between women in Europe, but every man with a keen eye will tell you exactly why these nations have the prettiest women.

13 Things You Didn’t Know About the Lord of the Rings Movies

13 Things You Didn’t Know About the Lord of the Rings Movies

The Lord of the Rings will go down as one of the greatest movie trilogies in history, and this year Peter Jackson’s follow-up trilogy The Hobbit will be coming to a close as...

13 Crazy World Records You Won’t Believe People Bothered to Set

13 Crazy World Records You Won’t Believe People Bothered to Set

These are the people who work on breaking and re-breaking world records that no one in their right mind would ever even consider as a legitimate thing. You know, the records that...

13 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real People

13 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real...

Through all mediums of entertainment - music, movies, books, and so forth - we get attached to the truly great, fleshed out characters who just jump off the page or screen and...