5 Terrible Sidekicks

  • August 23, 2010
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  • Pop Culture
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Comet the Super-Horse

super horse

As Seen In: Super-Girl

Originally a centaur in ancient Greece, the soon-to-be super-horse was offered a potion by a witch. This potion would turn him completely human, forever freeing him from the social stigma that being half-horse often brought one in ancient Greece. However, witches are people of ill repute and the potion transforms him into a horse instead. To compensate for this silly mistake, the witch in question offers him a series of super-powers, because a centaur is unloved by society but a horse that can deflect bullets and breathe fire is just dandy.

Armed with immortality, super strength, speed and endurance he continues to do whatever it is that horses do until he meets Super-Girl. He aids her on a mission to another planet where a spell is cast on him that causes him to turn into a human but only when a comet is passing through his galaxy. So far this guy can't catch a break with witchcraft.

Comet stays with Super-Girl as one of her pets and soon falls in love with her in what has to be the most unsettling portrayal of love in comic books. During the rare moments where he is once again a human man, Comet adopts the persona of a rodeo star an wins her heart. Then her turns back into a horse and she goes back to shovel his feces, unaware that she is handling the waste of her lover.


Free Spirit

free spirit01

As Seen In: Captain America

College student Cathy Webster had a problem: her grade point average was being brought down by her poor performance in physical education. It's never really explained how severely her GPA drops thanks to gym class except that it's enough to upset her but not enough to force her to apply herself on the basketball court. Faced with the possibility of being just a slightly above average college student she undergoes an experiment with Dr. Wentworth, using self-actualization tapes to somehow make her not suck at dodge ball. The doctor turns out to be a super-villain and the self-actualization tapes turn out to be radiation supplements. A week later and Cathy suddenly becomes an American Gladiator.

free spirit02

“Gemini! Turbo! Lace!

Under the suggestion of the good doctor, Cathy crashes a toga party and scolds everyone for treating women as sex objects. Of course, she does so while wearing the costume pictured above, so it sends a bit of a mixed message. Suddenly finding herself hating men, she returns to the lab only to discover her self-actualization tapes had brainwashed her into hating males everywhere. She then vows (to an empty room) that she is Free Spirit, because that's all you need to do to overcome brain washing, I guess.

Eventually Free Spirit met up with Captain America and the duo beat asses for America. However, her status as sidekick was short lived and, much like Demolition Man, ended up as Captain America's glorified secretary along with three other would-be super friends.

Got another second banana that needs a kick while he's down? Post about it below! Written by NN – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Demolition Man: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/5586/499617-d1_super.jpg http://gammaraysunburn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Dman-banner.jpg
  • - The Newsboy Legion: http://www.toonopedia.com/gnewsboy.jpg http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/1/12075/301653-49913-newsboy-legion_large.jpg
  • - Pete Ross: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/1494/95814-116933-pete-ross_large.jpg http://www.hydropole.ch/hydropole/hydrogen/imghistory/Hindenburg.gif
  • - Comet the Super-Horse: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XMPh28LDNJ0/SJd_0LZfxGI/AAAAAAAACoY/-TZCIODIXcg/s400/horse.jpg
  • - Free Spirit: http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix2/stankowicz8.jpg http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/77/80176-102210-free-spirit_large.jpg