Subscribe to our newsletter
Some of the best music in history is the result of artists coming together for the sake of their craft. However, just because you have friends that can sing doesn't mean that they should and just because you have access to Snoop Dogg's recording studio doesn't mean you should ever set foot inside of it.
Album: “Fabio After Dark”
Billy Ocean, Force M.D.'s, Kashif, Hi-Five, The Stylistics, Barry White, and presumably Fabio's abs
It's pretty obvious why Fabio would use so many guest musicians on his opus “Fabio After Dark”. Fabio's appeal is that he is easy on the eyes. Ladies know it and guys deny it as they masturbate themselves to sleep. But Fabio's career was based on just that: being looked at. Speaking was never his strong point, primarily because he never quite wrapped his head around the English language, as his accent will readily attest to (assuming you can hear the words through it).
However, calling these musicians “guests” is a bit dishonest considering they make the only real music on the album. Each has their own track devoid of any Fabio at all. Meanwhile, the Italian slice of beefcake spends his time talking over soft music, enlightening us on such subjects as tropical islands, surprising your lover, and the nature of humor.
At one point Fabio does attempt to sing and it really is as scary as you’d expect. Not only does he avoid choking on his own bewildering words, he also describes a “love attack”. From what we can surmise, this involves a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and a tire iron.
Album: “Be A Man
“Macho Man” Randy Savage, aka Randy Poffo
If there's one thing that Randy Savage can claim as a talent it isn't rapping. His voice, though one of his many trademarks, doesn't exactly lend itself to the melodic arts. Why he chose to rap for his 2003 release Be A Man is anyone's guess, though it should be noted that it wasn't the first time he tried his hand at the craft.
By 2003, the world had been cured of its Macho Madness. To help boost the album's star power, DJ Kool (a.k.a. DJ Kool Herc) was called in to guest rap on the track “Hit the Floor.” Kool is perhaps best known for “Let Me Clear My Throat,” which in turn is perhaps better known as “That Song From Drumline.”
What was produced from this clash of the titans? The sound of two men who were clearly half-assing it. DJ Kool plays up the useless directions in rap songs cliché to the max with Say I am, Now say ya name/ Say where ya come from, Now scream/ Somebody say I am, Now say ya name/ Say where ya come from, Now scream. Meanwhile Savage's only verse is dedicated to reminding people that he's currently rapping and that he used to be a wrestler, as though we had already forgotten what he was doing currently or what made him famous enough to warrant a terrible album in the first place. Apparently Bonesaw wasn’t ready for the music industry.
Song: “Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies”
Parody musician Weird Al is actual a class act. Before he releases one of his songs, he always tries to get the okay from the artist whom he is parodying, something he's not required by law to do. In the past this has lead to some artists out right denying him, including Prince. Despite this Al maintains a good working relationship with many mainstream acts.
While working on the soundtrack to his film UHF, he concocted the idea of singing the lyrics to the Beverly Hillbillies theme song:
With the Dire Straits hit “Money For Nothing” below:
However, Dire Straits guitarist Mark Knopfler would only agree to the parody if he himself played guitar on the recording, effectively accomplishing nothing.
Seriously, take a moment to think about that: what was the point of such a requirement? To keep filthy hands off of his vaunted guitar solo? Man, if Knopfler ever walked into any high-school in America he would discover that people have been butchering his music for the better part of thirty years. Well, if there are any kids left that know who “Dire Straits” were.
16 Small but Terrifying Creatures
Here are some small, yet horrifying little monsters prowling around out in Mother Nature’s backyard. Mother Nature is a deadly, terrifying force that we should all be deathly...
17 of the Most Horrifying Torture Devices Ever Conceived
Torture isn’t particularly fun to think about, so we can only imagine how horrific it must be to actually have it done to you. Fortunately we as a society have pretty much done...
18 Bizarre Phobias People Actually Have
It’s natural to be scared of things. After all, it’d be a little ludicrous to never get frightened, whether your fears revolve around sharks, snakes, spiders, death, or, most...
18 of the Most Absurdly Expensive Toys in the World
Everyone loves toys. It’s okay, you can admit it, whenever you find yourself in a department store you at least wander past the toy section and sneak a look at the latest action...
20 Awesome Facts About Star Wars
People are getting excited about the new Star Wars movie that’s due to come out next year, and rightfully so. Even with the missteps that were the prequels, it remains one of the...
20 Infamous Sex Scandals of Modern History
Everyone loves a good old fashioned scandal. Add in a little bit of sex just to spice things up, and it’s ratings heaven for journalists, and can also help boost the public...
20 of the Creepiest Places on Earth
Places can be creepy for a lot of reasons, whether it’s a terrifying history, ominous architecture, or the eerie sense of unease that comes from simply having been abandoned. Yet...
20 Weird Things You Can Major in at College
College is an interesting time in a person’s life. It’s where a lot of people really discover themselves, and prepare for the future while trying to pin down exactly what they...
20 Strange Architectural and Construction Gaffes
Architecture is a difficult profession, and we don’t think for a second we’d be able to just jump right in and do it ourselves. It requires skill, precision, and a whole lot...