Mr T. hates gay people
Everything Mr. T. just simply amazes me. He has spent his career kicking ass and wearing 50 pounds of gold jewelry while pitying fools. This guy fought Rocky, was a member of the A team, started his own breed of elf in World of Warcraft, and takes hairstyling tips from National Geographic. Also, he tag teamed with Hulk Hogan.
So, when Mars Incorporated, the company that produces Snickers candy bars, wanted someone to advertise their new summer line in 2008, naturally, they turned to one of the most awesome people to ever grace your TV set. The result was this condensed thirty seconds of pure badassery.
A man of questionable sexual orientation with tight yellow shorts and a wagging behind is lamely speedwalking down Wisteria Lane when a truck explodes out of a nearby house onto the street next to it. Mounted on the back of the truck is Mr. T. in all his glory, armed with a Gatling gun loaded with Snickers. He announces his disapproval of the man’s choice of movement, and explains that he’s a “Disgrace to the man race.” He opens fire, encouraging the man to run like normal people. Why am I even describing this to you? If you haven’t clicked on the link to watch this thing, you too may be a disgrace to the man race.
You may be wondering why you never saw this particular commercial on your television set, because if you had, you would have remembered. The answer is that it was never shown in the U.S. While our cousins across the pond declared it “jolly good,” someone got their knickers in a twist about it here and declared it to be offensive… towards gay people.
According to The Human Rights Campaign, Mars was perpetuating “the notion that the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community is a group of second class citizens and that violence against GLBT people is not only acceptable, but humorous.” Now who’s the one doing the stereotyping? There are plenty of straight people who wear tight clothes and speedwalk, why did they assume that Mr. T. was attacking a gay man?
With a heavy heart, Mars was forced to pull the ad before anyone could enjoy this work of art. The PC terrorists won another cheap victory. How did Mr. T. react to this? In characteristic Mr. T. style, of course, by upgrading his weaponry and going after more fools.
President Obama commits straight up fly murder
The President has been getting a lot of flak from everyone in America these days. The Republicans hate him, the Democrats are trying to distance themselves from him, and the public wants to know why the economy hasn’t been fixed yet. Even the animal kingdom seems to hate Obama, based on the persistent attack of a fly during a press interview.
The President, undoubtedly frustrated that he was unable to answer all his critics, issued the fly a verbal warning. When the fly continued his assault, The President struck with swift vengeance and furious anger and murdered the fly mid air. He then gloated on his victory, having the cameraman get a close up of the corpse. Jon Stewart, among other pundits and late night TV hosts, was awed by the Terminator like abilities of the Commander in Chief.
Not everyone was impressed, however. PETA, also known as the crazy individuals that love animals more than people who nobody takes seriously because they do really dumb things, was absolutely appalled by the “executive fly execution.” They sent a strongly worded letter to the President urging him to have compassion for even the most unlovable of animals, along with a humane fly trap that doesn’t hurt the insect.
You see, this is why no one ever takes PETA seriously. There are thousands of puppy mills out there abusing dogs, and what are the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals doing? Flipping out every time a fly is swatted on camera, and pouring blood on chicken farmers. I’m not saying I disagree with your message, I’m just saying prioritize. Start out by rescuing the animals that aren’t so…. ewww. I mean, right now people give you about as much respect as that homeless guy who just knows the apocalypse is coming. Although….
- - The Lehigh Valley Ironpigs Mascot naming controversy:: http://phanatic74.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/iron-pigs5.jpg http://houseofpaper.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/scanners.jpg http://www.impawards.com/2005/posters/forty_year_old_virgin_xlg.jpg
- - Santa Claus is just all messed up:: http://www.thebarackobamawatch.com/images/barack_20obama_20capitol.jpg http://jsttrth.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/evil-santa.jpg http://www.simpsonstrivia.com.ar/simpsons-photos/wallpapers/fat-tony-wallpaper.jpg http://www.halloweencostumes4u.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000003/10125.jpg
- - Nursery Rhymes are totally racist: http://www.cartuneland.com/wicked.jpg http://media.photobucket.com/image/rainbow%20sheep/kmbewe/graphicsforwebsites/1rainbowewe.jpg http://www.wdwinfo.com/disteam/pics/2ursula.jpg
- - Mr T. hates gay people: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/dc/MrT.jpg http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-qF6CbJo2vY/Sjox-wri80I/AAAAAAAAFxI/7QILKWJ-pXI/s400/Mr_T.jpg http://i581.photobucket.com/albums/ss259/RobsessedBLOG/New%20Moon/Picture1.png
- - President Obama commits straight up fly murder: http://www.microscope-microscope.org/gallery/Kenn/More2/BB%20fly%20supermacro-2a.JPG http://www.jacklail.com/blog/images/jon-stewart-painting.jpg http://dvice.com/pics/flycatcher.jpg http://oneseasonnation.com/www/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/2009/06/peta_ingrid_will.jpg