5 Reasons Why Aliens WOULD Only Land in the US

  • February 27, 2010
  • 52,467
  • Science
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The Fatties

If they are the good kind of aliens: they nonetheless might not really understand our species. Life evolves in very complicated ways depending on a billion different things, and who knows if the aliens coming to Earth will even comprehend the concept of carbon-based life forms.

But if they just observe the fauna of the planet, they might make a connection between ingesting food, staying alive and prospering, so they would naturally target a place where there are lots of fat people, thinking they must be the rules of Earth. And boy howdy, do we have a great deal for them when it comes to fat people.

the fatties01

If they are the bad kind of aliens: it’s very much possible that they came to Earth to eat us. And come on, once you’ve traveled a couple million light years through the perilous vacuum of space, you will want to get the most out of your trip. So if we are visited by man-eating aliens they would probably first target fat people, making the US their top Solar System Snack destination.

We probably won’t even see it coming because it’s not like the aliens will first present humanity with a book titled “To Serve Man” which will then turn out to be a cookbook. That would be just silly.

the fatties02



If they are the good kind of aliens: they were lured to Earth by SETI and want to make contact with it. SETI stands for Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence and is a collective name for various projects aiming to contact alien life through the usage of electromagnetic transmissions. If an advance civilization exists somewhere out there, then SETI hopes they will pick up one of their galactic phone calls and drop in for a visit someday.

And it just so happens that a great deal of SETI projects is of course set in the US, so if we do manage to contact some aliens in the future, it will most likely be through SETI, meaning that they will have to come to America first. Suck it rest, of world!


If they are the bad kind of aliens: they were lured to Earth by SETI and want to blow us the hell up for disrupting their own electromagnetic waves, like alien TV or worse, alien porn. There is always the possibility that the SETI signals sent into space might jam the communication on other planets, pissing the aliens off and causing them to travel to Earth to take care of the source of the interference.

But, in those few seconds between the aliens landing on Earth and destroying it, we will be able to celebrate the fact they first came to the US out of all the countries on the planet. Once again, suck it, rest of world!


Written by Cezary Jan Strusiewicz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - The People: http://thegirlfromtheghetto.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/mj-street-dancer.jpg http://rlv.zcache.com/alien_think_green_button-p145380258998953548t5sj_400.jpg
  • - The Movies: http://s3files.core77.com/blog/images/Independence%20Day.jpg http://mrw.blox.pl/resource/et.jpg
  • - The Population Concentration: http://www.armybase.us/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/X-band-radars-installed-in-Israels-Negev-desert-near-Dimona-nuclear-plant.JPG http://www.sitontop.com/KDImages/US_Lights.jpg
  • - The Fatties: http://leanlitigation.typepad.com/.m/photos/uncategorized/2008/05/09/toserveman.jpg http://static.open.salon.com/files/capitalist1232560967.jpg
  • - SETI: http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/40/128842-192933-lrrr_large.jpg http://www.nerdcore.de/wp/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/seti.jpg