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If you clicked this link then chances are you’re in fact a fellow nerd. We’d like to thank you ahead of time for pulling yourself away from World of Warcraft and blessing us with your presence. So what was it that grabbed your attention? Was it the geeky pics in the article’s banner or just the word “nerd” alone that brought you here? In any case, here are five of the most popular nerd arguments you’ll find anywhere… though mostly in the dorkiest corners of the internet. If we happen to miss your favorite nerd argument don’t get your Spiderman undies in a twist, there will be more where this came from. For now lets get started with the classics…
George Lucas Raped My Childhood!
This outrageous declaration came about due to the Star Wars prequel trilogy. The basic view is that the prequels were so ridiculously awful that they tarnished the legacy of the original films. Furthermore, George Lucas, the creator of the Star Wars universe, was also summarily held responsible for the metaphorical raping of the memories of Star Wars fans. At least we think that’s what the “raped my childhood statement” means. This ugly argument / whine-fest began in 1999 with the release of Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Since then it has raged on endlessly via message boards across the internet.
On one side we have those who are fiercely loyal to the original (Holy) trilogy. This portion of the fan-base truly wanted to enjoy the three prequels but for whatever reasons they were enormously let down. Too much Jar-Jar, too much clunky dialogue, too much cheesy romance, too much CGI… the list goes on and on. Because these fans were disappointed and their expectations were not met there’s been hell to pay.
On the flip side there are the Prequel lovers. Though not as plentiful or as vocal as the original trilogy fans they are a formidable group. These fans either got a kick out of Jar-Jar or were indifferent toward his idiocy. Most importantly these fans simply accept the prequels for what they are and enjoy them, flaws and all. It’s also worth noting that some of these fans grew up with the prequels in the same way that the generation before them grew up with the original trilogy.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
In the eyes of George Lucas the six films are simply all part of one unified saga. However in the eyes of many bitter fans it’s a whole other story. The Star Wars fan-base is insanely split on this point. There’s no end in sight for the geek rage this discussion ignites on a daily basis.
Joel vs. Mike: The Ultimate MST3K Battle
This argument is firmly tied to the critically acclaimed television show, Mystery Science Theater 3000. The series featured a man and his robot sidekicks trapped on a space station and forced to watch countless terrible movies. The “Joel vs. Mike” debate began way back in the fall of 1993 after Mike Nelson took over for Joel Hodgson as host of the show and consequently began riffing films in his place. The Great “Joel vs. Mike Flame-war” is infamous amongst “Mysties” as it sharply divided the fan-base and caused lots of bad blood.
On one side there were the loyal old-school fans of Joel (who was also the creator of the series). On the other side were fans that embraced the new guy Mike and dared to suggest he was a better host. Naturally there was no right or wrong answer in the scenario. Comparing Joel and Mike was like comparing apples and oranges. Or to put it in geek language, it was like comparing Hobbits to Dwarves.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
At one time "Joel vs. Mike" debates were actually forbidden in many moderated discussion forums. Seriously, the topic was considered off limits and taboo. The blanket ban was imposed due to countless flaming incidents which made it clear that the issue sparked nothing but insanity. Basically it was the equivalent of tossing raw hamburger meat into a pack of starving pit-bulls... with rabies... who were also on a meth-high. Thankfully time can heal some wounds. Although MST3K fans remain passionate about the series the harsh feelings over Joel and Mike seem to have subsided. Nowadays Joel continues riffing bad movies via Cinematic Titanic and Mike still does his thing via Rifftrax.
Alien 3 Ruined the Series
This bitter argument began way back in 1992 when Alien 3 was shat into theaters. Surprisingly it continues today as strong as ever and can be found anywhere there’s a discussion regarding Ridley Scott’s Prometheus or the Alien franchise. This is most evident on aintitcool.com. The basic argument is that Alien 3 sunk the series and destroyed everything the previous two movies had built up, particularly James Cameron’s Aliens sequel. Most notably in Alien 3, two key surviving characters, Newt and Hicks, were killed off just for the f*** of it.
This argument is one of our most unbalanced. The general consensus is that most fans feel Alien 3 sucked. Hard. The reasons for this position are so abundant that we could fill up a whole new article about the subject. On the other side we have a few scattered fans that actually enjoy and defend Alien 3. Surprisingly, they feel the off-screen deaths of Newt and Hicks was somehow necessary for Ripley's character development. Shockingly some Alien 3 fans have taken matters further and insisted that it is actually superior to the other three movies. Our guess is this particular group is either straight trolling or clinically insane.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
Depending on which movie/geek sight you frequent the Alien 3 debacle can differ. If you are only a casual fan of the series you probably didn’t even know this asinine mini-war existed. However, most true fans of the series are well aware of the controversy surrounding the film. Practically every review of the series is forced to address the issue one way or the other. This issue is likely never going away.
Marvel Comics vs. DC comics
The clash over which comic-book universe is better probably began for many of us in the schoolyard and never really ended. So which company is really the best? Please note: if you choose either side in this debate over fictional characters in tights you automatically lose. Still…we pick Marvel.
On one side we have DC fans. They are backed up by Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and their big blue boy scout Superman. On the other side we have Marvel fans. They are loyal to the likes of Wolverine and the X-Men, Ironman, Hulk and of course Spidey. The two sides of this argument span across the web and go far beyond just the comics. This competition encompasses the world of videogames, cartoons and live action movies. Marvel and DC characters are everywhere from the multiplex to the pimply tattooed backs of hardcore fans.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
We seriously doubt that outside of some bitter nerd flame wars this one has ever caused anyone to literally come to blows. Although the worlds of Marvel and DC extend across a variety of media, the actual characters have only truly clashed in the comics. Thanks to all sorts of legal crap there’s no way on Earth we’d ever see it go down any other way. Aside from a bazillion one on one crossover events the most famous and ambitious crossover was the 1996, limited series, DC vs. Marvel. The collection was written by Ron Marz and Peter David and featured art by Dan Jurgens and Claudio Castellini.
Captain Kirk vs. Captain Picard
The quintessential Star Trek nerd debate has always been - who was the better captain, James T. Kirk or Jean Luc Picard? Two very different characters, two very different series… many different feelings on the subject.
This particular entry is not as simple as dividing up fans of the original series with fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation. There are many Trekkies who are fans of both series, but regardless they may still prefer Kirk or Picard for a number of reasons. For example, some claim that Picard was a better leader and far better at diplomacy. Kirk however was much more of a brash risk taker, somewhat to a fault. Nevertheless Kirk always managed to save the day…and get some alien booty.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
Unlike many online Star Wars fans, Star Trek fans tend to be a bit more civil and open minded. Just check out THIS discussion over at Wired to see what we mean. Although there are strong opinions on both sides, (and a few grammar Nazis) overall you won’t find as much snarky commentary or outright trolling as you would on a Star Wars forum. Considering the rage that has accompanied all of our previous choices, Kirk vs. Picard is a refreshing change of pace.
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