5 High Tech Takes on the Vuvuzela

Posted on June 30, 2010
Views: 3,767

Subscribe to our newsletter

Advertisements

The World Cup celebrates the “beautiful game” on the largest stage on Earth. Given the vast array of countries that participate, from the desperate Americans to the boisterous Argentines to the hilariously disappointing French, it makes sense that no one country could hold the event permanently. And the breakneck “once-every-four-years” scheduling is topped only by the blistering pace of the game itself!

And so the tournament remains a quadrennial nomad, with each move exposing the world to a new culture. Naturally, the notoriously clenched sphincters at FIFA typically prefer these to be on the pre-approved list of inoffensive, marketable cultures. And given that they only brought the game to the soccer mad continent of Africa for the first time this year, it’s pretty clear they were waiting for just the right one. While many could have forewarned about the incessant droning of vuvuzelas that would be the trademark of the South African World Cup, we like to think those people were drowned out by the incessant droning of vuvuzelas.

vavuzela

They’ve become a divisive issue, with fascinated tourists looking to buy, suppliers scrambling to keep up and people at home attempting to understand why jackhammer-levels of sound make a 90 minute long wait for a goal that never comes more enjoyable. This fascination has been reflected in the world of technology and the Internet more than anywhere else. Heck, we gotta do something to kill time between halves while we watch the game on our work computers. Here are five high tech websites and programs dedicated to the low tech horn.

5.

Never-Ending Streaming

Even the most dedicated supporters of the vuvuzela tradition have got to be pretty relieved when the match is over. It’s been reported that they can reach sound pressures of 120 dB at a distance of one meter, which is almost as dangerous a Cleveland Browns fan at any distance. With thousands of rabid fans blowing constantly in a crowded stadium, there’s more potential for severe ear damage than a Lady GaGa concert.

never ending

So our minds and eardrums are blown by the existence of websites like Vuvuzela.fm, which are dedicated to blasting a clip of the drum-busters nonstop. That’s right. In case the mood strikes you, you have constant access to off-key din 24/7. We suggest using it to drown out annoying children, punishing your dog for chewing your best Premier League scarf or just setting the mood for some lovin’ with your best gal. What woman wouldn’t swoon for a long, hard, plastic phallus?

4

iRritation

If you decide to head on down to the only bar in your area not playing World Cup highlights or live coverage, you might find yourself some brief serenity from the ever-present bleating. That is, unless your watering hole is cool enough to attract the kind of clueless hipsters who download one of the several vuvuzela apps springing up for iPod, iPhone and iPad!

irritation

Yes, no matter what method you use to bow to the altar of Jobs, you can find an app capable of annoying your fellow humans into giving you a spontaneous blanket party. There are a number of them out there on the market (that we refuse to link to) and we can’t even begin to express our frustration at the fact that people are paying actual money (up to $1.99 a pop) for some of them... particularly when there are free versions available.

That means there were people who looked at their options and decided: “No, I think I need to go the extra mile and get the premium app to display just how much of a schmuck I am!”

3.

Making Things Less Horn-y

If you count yourself among the scores of fans, commentators and apparently scientists who find the droning of the horns deeply irritating, there may be hope. And it doesn’t come from turning off the TV and just playing soccer in real life.

A number of services have popped up in response to the demand and developed methods of filtering out the most maddening tones from broadcasts. While the broadcasters themselves are switching to better microphones and adjusting their levels, there are a few more tricks you can do on your end to soothe your psyche.

Products like the AntiVuvuzelaFilter, Devuvuzelator or Vuvux are able to practically eliminate the “droning hive of angry bees” sound from your broadcast. The effect is... well... actually pretty amazing.

Unfortunately, they tend to require at least a little technical know-how to configure, so it might be easier to just bang your head against your workstation and hope the ringing in your ears will cancel things out for you.

horn

Advertisements
Random
Page 1 of 3
Loading...

Latest Articles

20 Bizarre Flavors of Food You’ll Find Around the World

20 Bizarre Flavors of Food You’ll Find Around the World

People all over the world have different tastes in all sorts of things. Music, movies, television, politics, and so forth. And in some cases, it’s their actual tastes that vary...

20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

Kids say the darndest things, as the old saying goes. They also say some of the most horrifying things, as well. Most of the time it’s just because they don’t know any better...

20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World

20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World

Hospitals can be scary places. They’re sterile and often impersonal, and oh yeah, there are often people dying all around you. And let’s not even get into the fact that...

7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk

7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk

People like their booze, and have for centuries upon centuries. It’s not a secret that basically as long as there have been human beings roaming the Earth, there have been human...

8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine

8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine

With a few odd exceptions, people love sex. Sex sells, people enjoy watching it, and more importantly, people enjoy having it. That’s because sex makes you feel good, and it...

10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos

10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos

Believe it or not, music videos are actually things that still exist, despite the fact that channels like MTV would have you believe otherwise. Celebrities popping up in a music...

7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs

7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs

One of the hardest things about writing fiction is coming up with interesting, fully developed side characters. After all, you can’t spend too much time on them because you...

8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones

8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is an absolute juggernaut. There’s no denying it. Along with Walking Dead, you’d be hard pressed to find a television show that gets more online chatter that...

7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows

7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows

With the return of the immensely successful and wildly popular Game of Thrones, it’s only natural to look at the bookshelf and imagine what books may have a chance to rival the...

8 Completely Off the Wall Zombie Movies

8 Completely Off the Wall Zombie Movies

First things first, let’s not pretend that zombie movies are ever going to be exactly “normal.” After all, we’re talking about movies that center on the conceit that the...