5 Almost Sports That Left Us Too Soon

  • September 15, 2010
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4.

Celebrity Boxing

As Mahatma Gandhi probably once opined, “Every rose has its thorn.” This is particularly true if your rose happens to be celebrity. Unless you die a young, tragic death then your star always runs the risk of falling (however, being a young corpse sucks for a myriad of reasons, so it's really a two-way street). What's a washed-up has-been to do when the limelight fades? How does one adjust to the lifestyle of an everyday person? Why, they box their brethren for the amusement of others, of course.

The premise of Fox's Celebrity Boxing was simple: celebrities whose careers were caught in a downturn were invited to knock each other senseless for a cash prize and fifteen more minutes of pseudo-fame.

The celebrities in question would undergo training for their match, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they were fit to fight another human being. All eight of the matches that aired during the show's only two broadcast episodes were fairly one-sided, usually with surprising results. For example, did you know that Vanilla Ice can't handle the heat that is Willis from Diff'rent Strokes?

Or that Danny Bonnaduce, once that tiny, horrid child from The Partridge Family, grew up to become some sort of monster owned by GoldenPalace.com?

Yikes.

5.

Knights and Warriors

Shows like American Gladiators and Battle Dome are okay if you're the adrenaline driven, Slim Jim-snappin'-in-to sort of guy. But what of the lesser man? The man without glistening abs or biceps. Where's the combat sport for the nerds? Enter Knights and Warriors, a game show for the athletic history buff in all of us.

warriors

Like this guy.

Combining the demanding physical challenges of American Gladiators with all the raw sex appeal of a Renaissance fair, Knights and Warriors took the popular obstacle course concept of the day and went way too far with a plot line that would make J.R.R. Tolkien blush with shame: according to the mystical Book of Good and Evil (a handy thing to have around), the world used to be at peace during an age of Paradise on Earth. Then the universe shifted somehow, causing every child born that day to be destined to a life of evil. Rather than drown them in a river or something, the evil destiny children were allowed to grow old, eventually wreaking havoc all over the world. To combat this dire threat, teams of two were summoned to challenge these supernatural threats to a series of sporting challenges rather than, you know, drown them in a river or something.

The baddies were called Warriors and they existed just to ensure that the competitors (known as Knights) would have a hard time winning a small cash prize and a trophy. The goofy medieval theme was carried out during the entire show, including the events. For example, one event saw knights trying to catch balls fired from a large catapult while dodging others fired from slingshots controlled by warriors. The final event saw warriors firing large novelty crossbows at large novelty targets like dragons and stationary shields. Knights and Warriors only aired for a single season in 1992.

Did we miss your favorite pseudo-sport? Invent your own in the back yard with a whiskey bottle and a 2x4? Post it below!

Written by NN – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Slamball: http://asercuslife.com/Blog/media/blogs/DHYB/NintendoNerdLord.jpg
  • - American Gladiators: http://www.vroma.org/images/mcmanus_images/gladiators2.jpg
  • - Knights and Warriors: http://asercuslife.com/Blog/media/blogs/DHYB/NintendoNerdLord.jpg
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