The original run of Creepy Crawlers was like something out of science fiction, if the whole science part went straight to Hell. First of all, it involved a hot plate that would heat up to three-hundred degrees Fahrenheit. The child would pour a mysterious goop into these metal molds shaped like spiders, flies, scorpions and other creatures generally associated with wholesome Christian fun. The process would solidify the goop and become a brightly colored plastic plaything that looked something like this:
Everything is scarier in black and white, except this.
The original run of Creepy Crawlers was also released in the sixties, a time before the discovery of common sense. First, leaving a child in charge of hot plate is such a terrible idea that most states nowadays consider it a criminal offense. Second, metal is something that heats pretty rapidly, and while you may think that’s a pretty reasonable thing for a child to know, chances are all their knowledge of science will be thrown out the window when they see that pile of sticky red gunk turn into an awesome dragonfly. Without the use of gloves (not included) a kid would have to wait for the mold to cool down. Please keep in mind that these were the same kids walking around with popguns mere inches away from their crotches. Finally, the plastic goop was labeled as non-toxic, which we would later learn was not the case. The creepiest thing about this toy was that by using it you were literally taking your life into your own hands.
Fisher Price Power Wheels Motorcycle
When not teaching your youngster to slay bad guys with his amazing crotch pistol or to express his American pride all over the neighbor’s yard from up to thirty-five feet away, why not teach them to ride the highways of our great nation?
Let’s face it: motorcycles are awesome, and people without them tend to be pretty terrible by most standards. Adolf Hitler, Judas Iscariot, Darth Vader and the guy who played Norm from Cheers all have one thing in common: never once sitting on a humming Harley. And they’re known the world over as villains comparable to folk devils from children’s nightmares. If your child is the only one on the street without a miniature motor bike you may wake up to find them walking those same dark paths.
Besides, what’s the harm? It’s just a toy, right? Right. A toy with incredibly faulty acceleration pedals. According to consumer reports, the pedals were prone to sticking and in such an instance the motorcycle would only go faster until it slammed against something, sunk in something or hit a totally radical jump over some trashcans. After a bunch of would-be bikers failed to pull a successful tuck-and-roll, the ride-on toy was recalled. It’s probably for the best, though. Would you want to live in a world dominated by tiny biker gangs?
- - Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun: www.strangepolice.com/images/content/121328.jpg
- - Johnny Reb Cannon: http://onemansblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/JOHNNY_REB_CANNON.jpg
- - Mini-Hammock : http://images.productserve.com/preview/1698/36192578.jpg
- - Fisher Price Power Wheels Motorcycle: http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/2/22911/05_2009/c98960d9a5b91ed3_kingston.jpg