Subscribe to our newsletter
Everyone knows (or should know) “Paul is Dead,” but that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg. Some folks would want you to believe that every pop idol only exists in a grand web of deception.
The Real Killer of John Lennon
Steve Lightfoot has a dream. You see, Mr. Lightfoot is under the impression that Mark David Chapman did not kill John Lennon. Instead, he proposes that author Stephen King did the deed and Chapman was simply a fall man. You're probably wondering what Stephen King had to gain from killing a former Beatle. The answer to that is “Ronald Reagan.”
King was apparently tapped by the not-yet president elect to ice Lennon so the media spotlight would shift from the singer to him, thus getting him in the White House, or something. Ignoring that that's not how it works (media coverage of Lennon was – and still is – absurdly huge), this makes perfect sense, assuming you're suffering from severe brain damage.
Other than King and Chapman looking alike, there's not a lot going on here. But Lightfoot would argue otherwise. He has pages upon pages of clues on his website, including coded messages from newspapers the day of the killing and letters from Stephen King himself (or so he claims).
When not forcing his nonsense onto an already overburdened internet, Lightfoot sets to the road in his own version of the mystery mobile:
Please keep in mind that the man's been spreading this message since shortly after the assassination. He's been at this for over thirty years and has (I would hope) a grand total of zero people agreeing with him. Yet he still continues to dedicate his life to this cause.
Lady Gaga is a Tool for Mind Control
“The symbolism surrounding Lady Gaga is so blatant that one might wonder if it’s all a sick joke. Illuminati symbolism is becoming so clear that analyzes like this one becomes a simple exercise of pointing out the obvious. Her whole persona (whether its an act or not) is a tribute to mind control, where being vacuous, incoherent and absent minded becomes a fashionable thing.”
And so begins the Vigilant Citizen's quest to reveal Lady Gaga as a tool of the Illuminati, I hope you have a stiff drink at hand, because you might need one before we're through.
The author tells us (presumably from underneath a foil hat) of Project Monarch, a mind control technique wherein the subject is exposed to trauma so great that their mind is essential erased, allowing for someone else to reshape them as they see fit. Our first clue that Lady Gaga is a member of this terrible organization is that she uses butterfly symbolism form time to time.
Next, her name: though the Gaga bit comes from the Queen song “Radio Gaga” we're supposed to believe that it actually represents someone with an empty mind, thus “Lady Gaga” means “Empty headed lady.” Still with me? Good. Now let's talk about her logo:
A headless lady? Mind control. Also, there's something about the lightning bolt going through the body, but we're never really told the significance of this except that the author thinks she's the devil and has never seen a picture of Ziggy Stardust.
Finally, the all seeing eye:
That's right, the thing that everyone does when they pretend to be and owl or that guy from the Monopoly board is a sign of the Illuminati. We're all in on it, people.
If you've got twenty-five minutes to kill, wade through the article's comment section and gather even more clues from people who appear to be taking this shit seriously.
Morrissey the Prophet
UK sad guy and former singer for The Smiths Morrissey has made a series of bold, often offensive statements in his career. But David Alice would like you to believe that Morrissey's not just a loudmouth singer, but quite possibly a psychic, or perhaps a wizard.
David has noticed an odd number of coincidences in Smiths/Morrissey songs and album sleeves leading up to the death of Princess Di. He sums most of it up in this video here:
But here's the finer points condensed:
- The Smith's album “The Queen Is Dead,” which announces a royal death (as well as a ton of clues in the songs themselves, including a car crash)
- The final Smith's compilation before her death is laden with symbolism, such as pillars, and features an actress named Diana on the sleeve
- Morrissey's only duet before Diana's death was with Siouxsie Sioux, who is apparently a “harbinger of death” since she fronted a band called The Banshees
- The final single before her death, Alma Matters, features a car on the cover for the first time in Morrissey's career and well, whatever this is:
And there's more, too. For ten years (at least) David has been his damnedest to connect all the dots. The lynchpin to his argument is Morrissey's reaction to the death: “It was so predictable. It was expected.” While most fans of Morrissey would take this is just another off the cuff comment, David wants us to believe that some unknown force has given Morrissey the power of prophecy for this one event in all of human history.
The Beatles Are/Were Satanists
A Beatles conspiracy theory of a different sort ties the group to Charles Manson, but not in the way that you're probably familiar with. Manson's Helter Skelter theory derived from the White Album is pretty well known, but another theory states that both the band and the madman are merely victims of mind control at the hands of some occult force.
First, the cover to Sgt. Pepper features on the cover (among many other figures) Aleister Crowley, famed occultist and man responsible for spreading the Satantist Church. The opening line “It was twenty years ago today,” is an allusion to Crowley's death, which occurred twenty years prior to the release of the album. Now that's the easy part. Stick with us, because shit's about to get really weird.
A quote from John Lennon alleges that the Beatles frequented Doris Day's house, the home where Sharon Tate was murdered by the Manson Family. But wait! There's more! The theory goes on to state that Roman Polanski, Tate's husband at the time, actually made a pact with Satan: success in exchange for his wife and unborn child. Manson would be Satan's pawn in this game because he had been brainwashed by Beatle's records to become a Satanist himself.
But that's not all! Did you know that every murder attempt on the Beatles was carried out by a Satanist! Mark David Chapman told Barbara Walters that he regularly prayed for demons to enter his body (while listening to Beatles records). In 1999, the man who attempted kill George Harrison with a knife did so nineteen years after Lennon was murdered. Apparently, prime numbers are sacred to Satanists, and nineteen is a prime number. Also, there's a 666 in the year, so there's that, too.
The website Evil Beatles explains it in much greater and bewildering detail, and draws the conclusion that the Beatles and Roman Polanski were members of the same cult, and the film Rosemary's Baby was a template for the events that would follow for Polanski's wife, John Lennon and George Harrison.
17 of the Most Horrifying Torture Devices Ever Conceived
Torture isn’t particularly fun to think about, so we can only imagine how horrific it must be to actually have it done to you. Fortunately we as a society have pretty much done...
18 Bizarre Phobias People Actually Have
It’s natural to be scared of things. After all, it’d be a little ludicrous to never get frightened, whether your fears revolve around sharks, snakes, spiders, death, or, most...
18 of the Most Absurdly Expensive Toys in the World
Everyone loves toys. It’s okay, you can admit it, whenever you find yourself in a department store you at least wander past the toy section and sneak a look at the latest action...
20 Awesome Facts About Star Wars
People are getting excited about the new Star Wars movie that’s due to come out next year, and rightfully so. Even with the missteps that were the prequels, it remains one of the...
20 Infamous Sex Scandals of Modern History
Everyone loves a good old fashioned scandal. Add in a little bit of sex just to spice things up, and it’s ratings heaven for journalists, and can also help boost the public...
20 of the Creepiest Places on Earth
Places can be creepy for a lot of reasons, whether it’s a terrifying history, ominous architecture, or the eerie sense of unease that comes from simply having been abandoned. Yet...
20 Weird Things You Can Major in at College
College is an interesting time in a person’s life. It’s where a lot of people really discover themselves, and prepare for the future while trying to pin down exactly what they...
20 Strange Architectural and Construction Gaffes
Architecture is a difficult profession, and we don’t think for a second we’d be able to just jump right in and do it ourselves. It requires skill, precision, and a whole lot...
20 Bizarre Flavors of Food You’ll Find Around the World
People all over the world have different tastes in all sorts of things. Music, movies, television, politics, and so forth. And in some cases, it’s their actual tastes that vary...