3 Things Kids Are Supposed to Love…That Actually Terrifies Them

Posted on October 27, 2011
Views: 6,024

Subscribe to our newsletter



Kids just don’t get the same kind of enjoyment out of something their parents may have loved as children. Try to give a modern kid Grandma’s rusty slinky or a can of dad’s Ninja Turtle Ooze (which by now is a solidified rock of preserved 90’s bacteria). You’ll be lucky if that kid doesn’t drop kick your groin simply out of principle. The same disconnect is apparent with old-timey children’s performers. What follows are three such personas that many misguided parents still believe kids love. In reality, of course, kids actually dread these things more than Bill Murray fears the script of Ghostbusters 3.




We believe if you beat a dead horse long enough eventually it will become funny again. With that in mind, let’s begin with the internets favorite red nosed punching bag, the clown. Technically there isn’t much left to bash when it comes to this topic…but we’ll give it a shot. We checked around online and shockingly there are still websites that insane parents can visit to rent clowns for their kid’s birthday parties. It is our hope that any parent who browses such sites instantly has their IP reported to Child Services and the local law enforcement.


The association of clowns as an acceptable form of entertainment for kids likely stems from their circus routines and popularity in late 50’s and early 60’s American television.


Ever heard of something called Coulrophobia? Exactly ten out of ten people you know probably have it. It’s a pretty popular trope as well. Bart Simpson clearly has it, Kramer from Seinfeld has it, and Columbus from Zombieland has it.


Coulrophobia is essentially a fear of clowns brought on by their disturbingly exaggerated features, swollen noses, enormous feet and undeniable sense of creepiness. According to a 2008 BBC report, a University of Sheffield study of more than 250 children (ages 4-16) found that imagery of clowns was commonly loathed. Researcher Dr. Penny Curtis stated, "As adults we make assumptions about what works for children.” We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable." This primal hate and fear is the central reason why clown gimmicks work brilliantly for many of our favorite villains.



Santa Claus

santa claus

The perception of Santa Claus as a jolly, white-bearded, fat man who inexplicably trespasses in your home to bring you Christmas gifts seems to sit quite well with most children. The history of Santa is actually fairly interesting. Although we’re not sure some of the accounts we researched on the internet that spoke of “reindeer abuse” and “elf porn” is necessarily true to the spirit of Santa. Anyway, for our purposes we’ll simply be discussing the iconic version of Santa which originated in America and Canada in the 19th century. Created by Thomas Nast, a prominent caricaturist and political cartoonist, the following iconic image has endured throughout the years.

santa claus1

So where did things go wrong regarding Santa? Well there is a curious phenomenon regarding children who are seemingly cool with the idea of Santa, yet the very same kids will shriek in horror at the sight of him in a mall or any other venue.

As you can see…

santa claus2

santa claus3

santa claus4

santa claus5

Really we could go on all day. There are countless blogs dedicated to pics just like this. Many child psychologists believe that kids crapping their pants and weeping over being plunked down on the lap of a mall Santa are suffering from separation anxiety. They believe kids just can’t cope with being away from their parents. But what exactly are children seeing that adults aren’t?

santa claus6

santa claus7

In a timesnews.net article Ed Yonkey, who has a Santa gig at malls in Johnson City, chalked up kid’s fears to the massive white beard. The beard, he stated plays into the fear that kids have with seeing Santa. “Now picture Santa in your mind. Can you see his face? No, you can’t. You see his beard. It’s covering a good portion of his face. If they’re down lower on your lap all they can see is your beard, and that’s enough to scare anyone.” In our view, the beard factor combined with Santa’s weird interrogation as to whether you’ve been naughty or nice is more than enough reason to make kids freak out at the sight of him. It’s the same reason we stopped going to church.


The Easter Bunny

easter bunny

There’s a slim chance that at some point in human history children may have found clowns and Santa Claus tolerable. But we doubt that holds true for the Easter Bunny. There are more images on the web of kids crying while being held by the Easter Bunny then there are pics of Beyonce’s crotch.

easter bunny1

For those of you living under a rock (which is adrift in space) here is a brief rundown on the Easter Bunny. Basically, he’s a popular rabbit character who brings baskets of colored eggs, candy and toys to kids. He has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus as this Christian pin wisely illustrates…

easter bunny2

Despite the massive amount of “Screaming Kid / Giant Bunny” images online, an article from altoonamirror.com states that the Easter Bunny gets mixed reactions from kids. Charity Foor, who is the set manager for the Easter Bunny at Logan Valley Mall in Altoona , PA, stated: “Babies are usually pretty laid back with the bunny, but starting at around 18 months, some kids get frightened. The fear of the Easter Bunny could last until 4 years old.” She went on to say that although kids around 4 and up may become comfortable with the Easter Bunny, that still doesn't mean they're completely at ease. Adding to the creepiness factor of the Easter Bunny is the fact that traditionally he doesn't talk. We assume that makes things upsetting for kids trying to make conversation. Imagine being a child dumped on the lap of a ridiculous looking 5 foot tall rabbit who is also a MUTE. Perhaps it’s best that the Easter Bunny doesn’t talk as no words could truly describe such a horrid experience.

Written by Anthony Quaglia – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com

Page 1 of 3

Latest Articles

Makeup Artist Transforms Her Face Into Her Favorite Cartoon Characters

Makeup Artist Transforms Her Face Into Her Favorite Cartoon Characters

Laura Jenkins is a London based brilliant makeup artist who brings various cartoon characters to life on her own face, or to be more precise on her mouth. This is what happens when...

5 Most Unique and Unusual Islands - #3 Is it Cute or Creepy?

5 Most Unique and Unusual Islands - #3 Is it Cute or Creepy?

For most of us islands hold a certain mystique. It could be their seclusion that entices us, or the perceived difficulty of reaching them. Others are relatively untouched and...

5 Ad Campaigns That Backfired - #5 With True Message

5 Ad Campaigns That Backfired - #5 With True Message

It's fair to say that in the digital age we're beaten over the head with advertising on a regular basis. With constant exposure to commercials, banner ads, and other spots trying...

7 Utterly Bizarre Assassination Attempts

7 Utterly Bizarre Assassination Attempts

Assassinations are a dirty part of global politics and warfare, and as you can probably guess there are tons of attempts on the lives of political leaders that you never even hear...

15 of the Scariest Urban Legends From Around the World

15 of the Scariest Urban Legends From Around the World

Everyone loves a good old fashioned urban legend. People love getting a good scare, and something about urban legends just makes it feel like these things could have actually...

15 Myths About History You Probably Believe

15 Myths About History You Probably Believe

It turns out that a lot of what you were reading in history textbooks was wrong, and some of the things you believe are either skewed by false information passed down through the...

8 Prettiest Nations in Europe

8 Prettiest Nations in Europe

It might be hard to tell the difference between women in Europe, but every man with a keen eye will tell you exactly why these nations have the prettiest women.

13 Things You Didn’t Know About the Lord of the Rings Movies

13 Things You Didn’t Know About the Lord of the Rings Movies

The Lord of the Rings will go down as one of the greatest movie trilogies in history, and this year Peter Jackson’s follow-up trilogy The Hobbit will be coming to a close as...

13 Crazy World Records You Won’t Believe People Bothered to Set

13 Crazy World Records You Won’t Believe People Bothered to Set

These are the people who work on breaking and re-breaking world records that no one in their right mind would ever even consider as a legitimate thing. You know, the records that...

13 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real People

13 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real...

Through all mediums of entertainment - music, movies, books, and so forth - we get attached to the truly great, fleshed out characters who just jump off the page or screen and...