20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

  • April 19, 2014
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Boxed In

“I passed out reading my 3-year-old niece a book at bedtime. Then, I woke up around 2:00 a.m. and sat up. It was dark and silent. There was a nightlight on that gave my nieces face a Rembrandt lighting effect. She had her eyes wide open looking at me and whispered, ‘How did you get out of your box?’”


The Man with the Knife

“When my son was about four or five we were in the toilet before his bedtime and he was brushing his teeth, and he dropped his toothbrush and I picked it up for him, and when my eyes met him he just stared at me and said, ‘Dad, why does that man have a knife?’ and pointed behind me. Quickest 180 I’ve ever done.”


Daddy’s Not Dead Yet

“I’m minding my own business working in the garage and the door creaks open, and my 2-year-old son pops his head out and says, ‘Daddy, you dead yet?’ ‘No…?’ Then he squints and slowly closes the door. For some reason my wife thought it was hilarious.”


Signs of Murder

“My friend’s kid was taught baby sign language, and would do rough approximations of the actual sign. Once she was trying to tell a visiting friend of the family she wanted a bowl of cereal and made her sign for bowl. The woman turned to see the toddler looking up at her from the high chair, slowly drawing a finger across her throat.”


Planning Ahead

“My son was watching my wife make him a sandwich really intently. He was around four or five. She asked what he was doing, to which he replied, ‘I’m watching you make a sandwich.’ Insert short pause here. ‘So I know how to do it when you die.’”


Knowing the Real You

“My 5-year-old son sent me a birthday card he’d prepared at school. On the front he had drawn a picture of me walking in a meadow beneath a blazing sun, green grass, butterflies and a big smile. Underneath it said, ‘How you see yourself.’ Inside he’d drawn a picture of me in a jail cell, gripping the bars and crying, under this it said, ‘How you really are.’”


Doesn’t Play Well with Others

“I was babysitting my nephew one night and he comes up to me while I’m watching TV and says, ‘He doesn’t play nice.’ I ask him who, and then he just points into the dark hallway. ‘Hey, how about we wait for your mom outside?’”


Not People

“My son is three and we were walking downtown. When we walked by the Scientology building he pointed to the stairs leading to the second floor and said, ‘Let’s go up there daddy.’ I said, ‘Why? What’s up there?’ He just looks up at me and says, ‘Not people.’ I said, ‘What?’ And he just says, ‘Not people daddy.’ I just kept with him and can’t stop thinking about what he meant by that.”


I’m Not Lovin’ It

“My daughter, age two and a half: ‘I want to blow up McDonald’s.’ Me: ‘Geez baby, why?’ Her: ‘To watch the people run.”


A Terrifying Premonition

“I remember when we were younger I was on the playground with my little brother and halfway through a game of tag he just sat down and started screaming and sobbing. Once my mom got him calmed down enough he told us that, ‘The bad men are coming and they’re going to hurt a lot of people!’ and started crying again. He hid in his room for the rest of the day under the bed and asked us to stay with him so they couldn’t get us, either. It was September 10, 2001.”

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