10 Movie Remakes No One Actually Wants

  • February 13, 2014
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Three Men and a Baby

As recently as a couple years ago, Adam Sandler was in talks to remake the film Three Men and a Baby, which is a film that bears the distinction of being so ridiculously dated it’s kind of unintentionally hilarious. The original, as if you didn’t know, is about three guys in New York who find a baby at their doorstep and have to take care of it. Shenanigans ensue. It’s not exactly a classic, and the concept of an adult male being unable to take care of a baby is even more ridiculous now than it was back then. But hey, maybe Sandler figures he made a similar concept kind of work for Big Daddy, and when you have three men, it leaves room to cast his buddies Kevin James and Rob Scheider in the other roles. Something tells me there will be copious poop jokes if this one ever gets made.


Police Academy

Whoa, look at that! Two Steve Guttenberg movies in a row that have been rumored to have remakes! Police Academy launched an astonishingly long franchise about, well, Police Academy cadets, including the character of Carey Mahoney, played by Guttenberg. The original Police Academy actually holds up pretty well, in terms of its humor, but it got bad in a hurry with each sequel. Rebooting the franchise with a “new class” of cadets just seems like a bad idea, and when you’re talking about the Police Academy franchise, calling something a bad idea is really, really saying something.


The Birds

For a lot of these movies, the idea of remaking them is awful simply because the original movie itself is terrible, with a few notable exceptions. Well, this one makes the list of head scratching remakes simply because you’re talking about one of the all-time classics in Hitchcock’s The Birds, which did for birds what Jaws eventually did for sharks. The only difference is at the end of The Birds, Tippi Hedren didn’t say a cool line and blow up the birds. Naomi Watts has been long rumored to take on the Hedren role if this remake ever actually gets off the ground. Watts is a fine actress and it’s a great story, but here’s the thing: the original was already pretty much flawless, so why mess with a good thing? Didn’t anyone learn from the Psycho remake debacle?


House Party

Do you remember the 1990’s? How about the late 1980’s? If you do, there’s a good chance you remember the rap duo Kid ‘n Play. If that doesn’t ring a bell, one of them had a ridiculously high flat top, and they made some terrible movies in addition to churning out forgettable rap albums. Their most famous movie was House Party, a pretty terrible film that, for whatever reason, Nick Cannon is apparently trying to get remade. To put it another way, this is kind of like trying to remake Spice World, and we can only hope and pray that atrocity is never revisited.


Drop Dead Fred

When you’re talking about movie remakes that no one wants it’s hard to top Drop Dead Fred. What the hell is Drop Dead Fred, you ask? Exactly. The original is a movie that very few people remember, and was a critical and commercial bomb. Russell Brand is apparently attached to the remake despite the fact that there are probably about four people in the world who actually liked the original to begin with. Not exactly a big selling point for the box office.

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